Today my 5y old C was watching a cartoon which was trying to teach the value of forgiveness. In it Tiger accidentally broke Panda’s painting. Even after Tiger fixed it Panda refused to forgive him. Tiger was sad because Panda stayed mad at him. In the end other friends helped convince Panda to forgive Tiger and Tiger was happy again.
The cartoon carried a good message:
- Forgive mistakes
Yet at the same time the cartoon accidentally taught a bad message:
- Your happiness depends on your friends opinions instead of your actions
I really wanted to reach in and rewrite it so Tiger leaves to play and have fun without an angry Panda. In the end Panda sees how much fun he is missing by holding a grudge, forgives him and then has fun himself.
I want my children to learn to forgive mistakes but I also want them to learn to judge their own actions and create their own joy. Their joy should not be dependent on the whim of any random playmate.
In an attempt to teach empathy it instead taught dependency.
Anyone else have experience with things that try to teach children one message but accidentally teach something totally different? Please share in the comments.
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
How interesting! I often find that overt messages in media are preempted by the unintentional subcontext. I hope that makes sense–I think I just used a bunch of made up words!
I have a story about trying to be very specific in my message to kids. I was a teacher for 16 years, and I was very cognizant of my job to never lie to my kids. I knew that, if I ever said, “I promise ______” I had better follow through. I wanted my kids to learn that adults tell the truth.
Often, I’d say something like “If I can, I will _________” but as soon as I promised something, I would move mountains to make sure it happened. Even if it wasn’t a monumental thing, my kids still needed to know that I kept my word when I gave it. Always. Otherwise, it was just like lying to them.
Great, thought provoking post:)
Thank you, you made complete sense! I really like your story. That’s definitely another way adults have to watch the message they send. “Do what I say not what I do” always backfires! It’s the actions that really give the message. I try to always keep my promises to my kids… and if I can’t to explain why and give an apology just like I would with an adult.
I remember reading some advice on teaching sharing. It said that first kids must learn ownership. If you force sharing by taking toys from them they never learn to be secure in their ownership and are afraid to let anything go. However if you give them the choice then they become secure and feel safe sharing. Aka, the hidden message in taking isn’t “share”. It’s “your stuff isn’t yours”. As well as “It’s ok to take if you have a good enough reason.”
Great post! I see things like this all the. My daughter is now 15, but when these things happen on TV, or in life.. its a great opportunity for a lesson. This is where you ask your child “what do you think about..” or “Tiger was being a really good friend, and surely felt bad about..” “but Panda on the other hand seemed to be angry a lot longer.” and go from there.
As they get older- and the programming more mature- so become the lessons! Happy Teaching!
Thank you! That’s an awesome point on it being a good opportunity for a teaching lesson.
We’ve done that with real life behavior from people and I need to remember it for TV behavior too.